A quick quiz for suspicious spouses. This isn’t a fun quiz, and there are no prizes for getting the top score. Well, maybe there is, if realizing your hubby or wife is stepping out on you can help you take action.
There are few things in life more hurtful than suspecting your loved one is being unfaithful to you – except knowing it for a fact. The difference is, once you accept or prove it, it frees you up to take action.
With this in mind, here are a few True/False questions to answer:
1. I feel like my partner is withdrawing emotionally
2. We’re having less sex
3. We’re having more sex, and there’s no special reason for it
4. My partner is being more attentive
5. My partner is being less attentive
6. My partner is touchier
7. My partner is sick/headachey/crampy/tired/stressed every time I want to be close or intimate
8. My partner avoids answering my questions directly
9. My partner is blaming me for things or picking fights
10. My partner is more concerned than usual with his or her looks/body/wardrobe
11. My partner has new favorite things that I can’t account for and that we two don’t share
12. My partner has new friends/a new hangout and I am not welcome
13. He doesn’t want me cleaning out pockets/She doesn’t want you looking in her purse
14. My partner finds reasons to be away a lot more often with friends or shopping than he or she used to
15. My partner works late more often but the paycheck isn’t reflecting more money
If you can answer three or more of these questions Yes, it looks like he might be doing exactly what your gut is telling you he/she’s doing – having an affair.
Most women, especially, tend to bury their intuitive suspicions under layers of guilt and self-deception.
When their intuition starts screaming out warnings about red flags it’s perceiving, they rationalize them away, actually chastising ourselves for being paranoid, insecure or untrusting – self-doubt that our spouse is more than happy to perpetuate.
It helps him get away clean and earns him even more power and leverage in the relationship. He might even begin to ‘play you’ to get a sick thrill out of it. Don’t let him.
The best tact is to just address any concerns immediately, before they escalate into something deeper or darker.
The longer you cast a blind eye his way, the bolder his behavior may become. It’s called enabling. It’s a sad and very disturbing concept that by overriding our innate perceptiveness to help preserve the fantasy that’s so important to us, we might be giving him, or her, the very tools needed to escalate their affair, even make it blatant.
Painful Cheater’s Psychology
This is something very rarely brought up in discussions about cheating but the psychology is there; cheating, as we know is a powerful aphrodisiac, and some folks ‘get off’ knowing that they’re hurting their husband/wives at the same time as they’re enjoying their new love interest. This can lead to a complex and very damaging psychological power play.
Don’t let yourself be drawn into that.
Nip that cheater in the bud.
Talk to him as soon as you ‘feel’ something isn’t right. Chances are you’re not just being paranoid. If your relationship can be saved, this is the easiest time to do it. If that doesn’t work, seek professional help, get out of the relationship or get the two of you into marriage counseling.